Hi Zena. Our Creative Director is notorious for producing high-stakes pitches. They mobilise teams to work all weekend and inevitably blow the clients’ socks off when they present on Monday. They get great glory for producing a rabbit out of the hat. The trouble is that the drama is entirely preventable. There’s no reason for everything to be done at the last minute. And why do thirty slides when ten would do?
This is well into my Crazy Busy territory. Leaders like this don’t just respond to crises, they create them. Their team are worn out by lack of stability and constant shifts in priorities. They’ve no time for strategy because they are constantly firefighting. Everything is short-term which obviously impacts growth, staff turnover and culture.
Why do some people make life more difficult than it needs to be?
This isn’t just a case of poor time management. It’s got both practical and psychological roots. In my book of coaching case studies, Badly Behaved People, I explain that most of the dysfunctional behaviour I come across stems from unresolved childhood issues playing out in the workplace, especially when we feel vulnerable. We behave in ways that made us feel safe as children but are no good to us now.
Psychotherapist Lorraine Trotman says that people can be drawn to drama and chaos because ‘they grew up in families where drama was a normal way of being. It’s how they communicated and resolved conflict. They’ve learnt this way of getting their needs met and so continue the drama into their adult, working life’. When they get glory for delivering results in a crisis, this validates the hero/dramatic behaviour.
Lorraine says that other people use drama to take up more space for themselves due to their low self-esteem and their need for external validation. They certainly get attention, but of course it’s not healthy behaviour – for them or their teams.
How do you cope with a chaotic leader?
I asked Coaching Psychologist Lucy Whitehall for her thoughts on how to survive working for a high-octane leader like this. She stresses that it’s not your job to change their behaviour or ‘fix’ them, but you can control how you respond to them:
‘Set healthy boundaries. Don’t get drawn into their disorganised behaviour any more than strictly necessary to perform your role.
Respond to messages and emails during reasonable working hours only.
Don’t be manipulated into agreeing to last minute demands. Bosses like these can be very charismatic and it’s not easy to say no to them. Practice assertive negotiation skills.
Validation and recognition (in measured doses) can also help smooth relations but take care to avoid sycophancy. This will only feed their need for adulation and create additional emotional demand on you.’
You might also try rewarding good behaviour. Celebrate non-dramatic wins when results come in an ‘easy busy’ way because of proper planning.
Incidentally, if you are wondering what the difference is between a coach like me, a coaching psychologist like Lucy and a psychologist like Lorraine, then I explain it in the last chapter of Badly Behaved People. I also lift the lid off the dark arts of the unregulated coaching profession and how some practitioners charge fortunes for common sense dressed up as spiritual lessons. It’s my favourite chapter. Email me for a pdf if you don’t want to buy/download the book.
I’m thrilled to be a finalist in this year’s Speakers’ Awards with Crazy Busy. If you haven’t booked a Crazy Busy talk yet then do get in touch. We’ll get rid of chaos and time wasting. There are 168 hours in the week, so why does it feel there’s never enough time?