Has the ‘bring your whole self to work” message gone too far? Call me old-fashioned, but I think work is for our worky bits. It’s what we used to call being professional.
Self-help gurus encourage us to bring our whole unfiltered selves to work: all our messy frustrations, moods, and vulnerabilities. What used to be called emotional incontinence is now being “authentic”.
But what if everyone did that? And what about the people who work with us? Why should they have to cope with our moods? Isn’t that our job?
Self-regulation is the basis of emotional intelligence. We can’t control our thoughts or feelings, but we absolutely can control our behaviour. We feel our feelings, but we don’t need to act on them. We can have a rubbish morning and still be civil. We can be stressed without snapping, or disappointed without sulking. Counting to ten is a pretty basic career skill.
Of course, there are times when we should talk about how we feel. We aren’t robots. We don’t need to stuff everything down and pretend we are fine when we are really not. But we can choose when, where and with whom we share. That’s self-control and a big part of being a grown-up.
A bit of compartmentalisation is healthy. Control how you want to be perceived. Think about how a high performer in your role shows up and bridge the gap between you and them. It’s probably just like you already, maybe with an extra dollop of self-control and confidence. Setting boundaries between our work self and our private self is better for our motivation, mental health, productivity and career prospects.
There’s more articles on boundaries and mood contagion here and in my book of problem personalities, Badly Behaved People.
Time is precious and budgets are too. As well as coaching and conferences, I’ve been doing Lunch & Learns and breakfast sessions in September on topics like this one, as well as on essential skills like delegation and giving feedback. One practical skill in 45 entertaining minutes, to put into practice immediately. Email me to discuss ideas.